Posted by: Mary W. Farkas | August 20, 2010

Referred Pain

I have no children. I chose to not have children. My friends have children and their children are my friends.

My good friend’s oldest child left for college yesterday. His mother is deeply affected by his moving on; she’s reminded of when her older sweetheart drove off on his college adventure with the piercing sweet sadness of both young love and maternal yearning.

I knew her sweetheart before I met her. He was a fellow resident in the community where I lived. Probably the nicest man I will ever have the privilege to know. When he died earlier this year, the circle of friends from college drew closer. I assisted her in planning a memorial service for him, in his best male friend’s home. The faces of our darling friends from college showed extreme pain during the memorial; they recalled his humor and good will afterwards in a flutter of food, coffee, and lots of talk.

Loss is biting bad pain. With the wisdom born of only time’s passing, I can see how many losses have repaired themselves in findings. When I mourned the loss of my one true love, I moved on, hurting outwardly. I missed our friendship, our short-lived love affair. Then I found him again. We grew together and were married.

I seek comfort for my friend. Her son is away to college. The best times of his life await him. She’s hurting, and the best I could say was, “Take comfort that he has gone to college. He’s not going to war.” I wanted to slap the words out of the air, I apologized for my poor choice; I just wanted to acknowledge that he’s gone but not in danger.

The are a lucky many who will meet my friend’s son at college. They will have an excellent friend for life.

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